Hardly Any Sex in Either City

Sex and the City: the Movie is a pretty far cry from the series. The series can boast mostly reasonable relationships and dynamics, even if the fashion got pretty outrageous toward the end. The movie can boast pretty outrageous fashion from beginning to end, and little else.
The movie begins with Carrie wearing what otherwise would be a pretty dress if not for the enormous flower spread on her shoulder. Remember the flower craze Pat Field went into during the 2nd or 3rd season? This flower is bigger and not at all better. And thus the movie begins its fascination with fashion so hip and so trendy that it veers straight off the runway into downright hideousness.
Carrie walks down the road with her giant fauna swaying dangerously on her shoulder, and then, five seconds later, has changed into another outfit. This one includes gloves that taper off just above her wrists, which, given that she wears them for another few seconds and only to make a call on a payphone, does not grate as much as it would have had she worn this (or any other) outfit for longer than a minute. They are also not in any danger of engulfing her head like the Venus Fly trap she wore seconds ago.
Another wardrobe change, this time into a cute green dress, and she and Mr. Big are looking at apartments. The apartment they view is huge and completely out of either of their price ranges, but they decide to take it, because this movie is the giant fantasy of witless fashion designer. Carrie needs a bigger closet. Mr. Big promises to expand the current one. Carrie simpers, and then changes her clothes once more to walk down the street in a bubble dress with Charlotte and Miranda, telling them all about her real estate "heaven." Charlotte is thrilled, because her character is two-dimensional. Miranda is cynical, because she is also two-dimensional. Carrie baby voices at them that she's happy, Charlotte smiles, Miranda scowls. Samantha appears, having flown all the way from LA to attend...an auction. Where she wants to buy a flower cocktail ring. Because it's Samantha, and accepting her life requires an enormous suspension of disbelief. She does not get the flower ring she wants. The other girls do not comfort her in any way.
Another wardrobe change, and suddenly Big and Carrie have decided to get married. Why? Because Carrie, bolstered by a healthy dose of Miranda's skepticism, tells Big she wants her name on the apartment purchase. Instead of agreeing like a mature adult, Big instead suggests that they get married, and that's how Carrie and Big get engaged.
There is a 30-minute montage of wedding preparation, 1 minute of which is spent deciding on the venue and the other 29 of which is devoted to wedding dresses. Carrie picks a vintage suit to get married in, and Anthony and Charlotte disapprove of something so simple and drama-free. Then, miraculously, Vogue asks Carrie to do a wedding photo shoot and she gets to keep one of the designer wedding gowns. Big builds Carrie her enormous closet, and Carrie uses it to store a pair of bright blue shoes that I'm pretty sure the Wicked Witch would have worn had her color scheme permitted it.
The next 30 minutes deal with Big being suddenly, irrationally, insanely nervous about the upcoming wedding, with a few minutes set aside to deal with the much more important issue of Steve cheating on Miranda. Miranda is pissed but no one cares, because Big is nervous about getting married. On the wedding day, Big sits inside a limo and calls and calls Carrie, who, as contrivance would have it, can't pick up her phone. Instead of being a mature adult (again), Big decides he's going to ditch Carrie at the altar. He informs Carrie of this when she uses a stray cell phone to call him and ask where the hell he is and why he's not at the wedding. She drops the phone very dramatically and swoons, freaks out, yells at her friends to get her outside, finds Big, and SMASHES HER BOUQUET into him. Flower petals dramatically rain down on Big. Miranda is still upset over Steve, and still no one cares.
Carrie's way of coping with being jilted at the altar is to go on her honeymoon with Miranda, Samantha, and Charlotte. Instead of partying it up in a tropical paradise, she falls down on her bed, orders the girls to draw the blinds, and sleep for 3 days straight. Samantha walks in one day to spoon feed her oatmeal, because Carrie is now a toddler. On Day 4 she finally manages to walk outside, and spends the rest of her vacation wondering if she'll ever laugh again. She will, and does, when Charlotte poops her pants. Carrie is a good friend.
The rest of the movie is almost unmemorable. Carrie changes outfits 50 more times and dyes her hair brown, and it looks horrible. She also hires an assistant, badly-acted by Jennifer Hudson, to sort her email. That's right, Carrie Bradshaw the column writer, who makes about $40K a year and spends it all on shoes and clothes, hires an assistant. To sort her email. She also buys said assistant a Louis Vuitton bag as a Christmas gift, and then her assistant quits because she gets engaged and therefore her life must immediately stop. The two actually do end up deserving one another.
Miranda and Steve manage to solve their problems through a series of contrived events that lead to the most contrived reconciliation in the history of SATC. One nondramatic, nonromantic kiss later, they're back together.
Nothing whatsoever happens with Charlotte except that she gets pregnant and gives birth. Charlotte is generally happy and thus completely boring.
Samantha struggles with the same thing she always struggles with - infidelity. She just can't seem to stop wanting to cheat on Smith. There is a neighbor that we're supposed to think is hot, but he isn't. He's a Ken doll. Samantha wants him, and to stop herself from cheating she starts eating a lot. She then breaks up with Smith because 1) he bought her the flower ring from the auction when she wanted it to buy it for herself, 2) she wants to cheat on him with the neighbor Ken doll and all that eating is making her fat, and 3) breaking up with Smith is the plot contrivance she needs to move back to New York. None of the reasons makes much sense and neither does Samantha, but she still somehow manages to be the most amusing, least grating character in the movie.
Finally, Carrie and Big get back together when Carrie finds out that he's been sending her the love notes of famous writers since he left her at the altar. Their reconciliation in the end is as incredulous as their breakup in the beginning, but the movie was already 2.5 hours long so there you have it. Carrie and Big get married, and she wears her vintage suit. Everyone lives unhappily ever after. No sex. Hardly any city. Lots of crazy outfits. SATC: TM has been brought to you by Vogue.